Why?

Why do I talk to my parents about my job search when I know I'm only going to feel bad about it? And why should I feel bad about it anyway? I wish I could get a grip on this shit already. I think the problem is that I resent having to reassure them at such a stressful time for me. Shouldn't they be supporting me, not vice versa?

Actually, it's not that hard to understand the problem. My dad made such a huge deal about my interview in New York. He bragged about it to all of my relatives and his friends. I didn't get the job, which was truly for the best. I would be completely at peace about the whole experience, except that my dad has made it an embarrassment for me and himself.

People say, "he's just proud of you." But fuck that. Neither one of them have any clue about what law school is like or what I've gone through. They didn't do it, and they can't take the credit. They have no right to be proud OR disappointed in me. They can be in awe of me, or they can have quiet respect for me--those are the only acceptable options as far as I'm concerned.

And let's not even discuss the ruckus they're raising over graduation.

Once again, I sound like a bitch. Once again, I know I'm going to regret my standoffish ways when they're gone. I know very well that they mean no harm whatsoever. But even the smallest contact with them undermines my sanity.