Someone make me stop spending money. I’ve got some cash on hand, but it has to last indefinitely. I’ve got a internship-ish thing lined up for after the bar exam and before the results come in, which will pay a little bit. I am confident that I will get a real job, but I don’t yet have one. It’s obvious that I will have to replace my car. This calls for conserving cash.
But I’ve been on a spree. No individual expenditure looks that bad, but they add up. The trip to Colorado was a good deal, because the journal will reimburse me for about 75 percent of the plane ticket, and the condo was free. And hell, I didn’t ski, which saved me lots of cash. But I paid too much for the rental car. I got a massage. I bought a purse at the Coach outlet--a great buy, and I love the purse, but it wasn’t exactly necessary. I wanted to take pictures and didn’t have a camera so I bought a digital on sale at Target for $140. I spent $70 dollars on jeans because I was hating all my old ones. I bought a garment bag because I didn’t have one and I needed to bring suits to the conference. I bought an emergency pair of dress boots because my pumps weren’t going to work in the ice and snow. I bought new sandals. I bought a few books at the Tattered Cover in Denver. I bought new bras (very necessary). I bought a new bottle of the very expensive skin treatment I’m addicted to. I bought expensive conditioner and hair pomade (my hair is looking much better). And I’m having laser hair removal. Vanity seems to be a theme here.
A few weeks ago, the author of sanquinaryblue posted about our collective growing obsession with looking young and flawless and most of all NOT OLD. I want to write about this at greater length, but for now I am going to admit that it seems important to me to look good and NOT OLD. This is about vanity, but it is also about being a beginner in a whole new career when I’m about to turn 40. Because I have to get a job so I can pay for all the clothes and beauty products, and a new car.
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2 comments:
Hey, Miss H. Glad to see you're back in full force!
I have a confession for you. Despite my obvious disdain for rampant "looksism" in American society, I struggle with my own vanity daily. It's kinda' weird because I genuinely believe that I accept myself as I am.
That said, I went to Nick Arrojo (more than once) to get my hair cut. Worse, despite the fact that I'm endlessly fascinated with the ever-emerging fountain of silver locks on my head, I also employ Mr. Arrojo's master colorist to work her magic making it all shades of auburn and chestnut. And perhaps worst of all, after years of struggle and contemplating same for myself, I'm absolutely dying to know about your laser hair removal because I want it, too (but not the nicely cut, happily dyed hair on my head).
So, not that I'm an authority on it or anything, but I'd say you have a pass for wanting things that will make you look nice. I want to look nice, too. I just don't want to be judged solely on the basis of my appearance.
I'm having great results (so far) with laser hair removal, but it's just ridiculously crazy expensive. It doesn't hurt anywhere near as bad as electrolysis. It will be completely worth it if the results are truly permanent.
A little vanity is healthy, but I do feel the cultural pressure to look good and stay young. For the most part I think I'm motivated by healthy self-regard, but there are times when I start to look obsessively self-absorbed. Plus, cultural standards are undoubtedly higher than they were for my mother at this age. It's great that we have all these new things to help us look better and stay that way, but are we now compelled to use them? To whatever degree we might decide to opt out of a particular beauty standard, or are selected out by the reality of our bodies, I think we are judged, and there is a degree of sexism and misogyny in that judgment. I see a lot of misogyny in the craze for bald nether regions and the way that pubic hair is now considered gross, although guys are now shaving their pubes, too. (Eww.)
For another example, everyone in law school has to conform to some extent to certain standards of dress and grooming. But it's not such a career handicap for a guy to be overweight, or have a sloppy haircut or an ill-fitting suit. I think appearance plays a bigger part in hiring decisions regarding women than it does for men. Age seems less of a factor with men than with women. I would like to think that my maturity and experience are assets, but it's important to me that potential employers can't tell my age.
The bottom line is that I want to look good and I'm willing to do the physical upkeep, but it bothers me that my talents and intellectual abilities might be dismissed if my looks don't meet some minimum standard.
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