Inventory

• Food—I eat too much, especially sugary food. I eat for emotional comfort and for distraction, to kill time, to avoid what I should deal with.
• Money—I don’t pay attention to money and am careless and irresponsible with it. I spend what I don’t have and avoid thinking of the reality of my situation. I don’t want to deal with the fact that I don’t make enough to really take care of myself. I spent all of my little bit of savings in law school. I’m in 6 figures of student loan debt and I owe about eight thousand dollars on my credit card. I’m as broke as I’ve every been. I’m almost 40, and I’ve never owned my home or bought a new car—or even a car that was less than 10 years old. I don’t want to do what I have to do to deal with my situation—find work that pays well and be careful and responsible with what I make. Pay attention to what I’m paying in interest, etc.
• I avoid work and lack focus. I don’t want to do anything hard or challenge my self. I’m physically and intellectually lazy. I don’t want to pay attention or concentrate on anything challenging and distract myself with things like surfing the internet and playing computer solitaire. Because of this I haven’t lived up to my potential, and this is related to my financial problems—which are also about now wanting to pay attention.
• I’m socially isolated. I push people away and then feel unloved and sorry for myself. I want to be loved without being burdened by other people. I’m not highly compassionate. I’m judgmental and self-absorbed
• I have a dishonest streak. I steal little things when I can get away with it. I have sometimes used men to get things. I sleep with married men and don’t feel guilty about it. If I was married, I would probably cheat if I could. I don’t want long term monogamy, which is legitimate, but I still have to behave with integrity

On the plus side
• I know myself pretty well, I’m basically true to myself and comfortable with myself
• I’m willing to take risks
• I’m level-headed and can deal with a crisis
• I admit my shortcomings and even though instinctively want to avoid a challenge, I also deliberately put myself in situations where I will have to face hard things (law school)