More romantic stupidity

This move has been much easier and less traumatic than I expected. I have a good feeling about my life in Richmond. Still, the last few days I've had a few episodes of gut-twisting sadness about New Orleans. There are certain sounds and experiences that can only be had in New Orleans, and I'm a long way away.

Plus I've been feeling a twinge of sadness and regret about J, which only highlights what a wreck I am about men and relationships. Because what I regret is not the experience itself, but that I am no longer the unattainable goddess of desire to him. It's sort of ice-princessy to prefer staying on a pedestal to coming down and having a tumble with a man and sustaining a few minor bruises in the process. Now my ego seems to need some kind of reassurance that he's still thinking about me. I was feeling this way right after the last time I saw him. Then he called me to check up while I was driving up here, and it made me feel better. But now I feel rejected again because he hasn't mailed me a particular item he promised. It's retarded and makes me seem way too delicate to have any dealings with actual male human beings.

I have a date this Saturday, with a guy who is at least fun to talk to. It shows that my transition is going well, that I already have a date. But even the most minor romantic interaction seems to make me miserable one way or another.

The bar exam is only a week and a half away. I need to stay focused on that and not be distracted by romance and its inevitably accompanying trauma.