oh dear

I think I just broke up with Mr. M.

Because it's pretty clear that I'm not exactly his top priority.

And there might be good reasons for that, all things considered.

But I think I deserve better. At least if you buy the theory that anyone deserves anything.

I want someone to really love me, and really be excited and passionate about me. I don't want to be in love with someone who isn't in love with me.

And then, more problematically, I feel scared and helpless--in New Orleans and in the face of death--and I want someone to take care of me. And I realize that no one can really, ultimately, take care of me. But I want someone to want to try. I want it to me Mr. M.

But one of the very few solid lessons I've learned is that you can't chase someone or guilt someone or argue someone into loving you.