The end of the blogging frenzy

Evidence that I'm still feeling a little fragile: seeing Soul Asylum, or half of Soul Asylum, on television promoting their new record made me cry.

I mean, I'm not even a fan. I suppose I'm a fan of them as human beings. Their new single is an anthemic pop-rock song called "Stand Up and Be Strong," and it's been criticized for being trite. But words of optimism and perserverance are only trite when expressed by people who haven't been through anything hard. They recorded this album while their bass player (and friend since back in the day) was dying of cancer. A couple of months after they buried him, Dave Pirner's adopted home was underwater. So if he wants to get up on national television and sing "Stand Up and Be Strong" looking like he's happy about it, I'm cheering for him. One of the things that made me cry was when he talked about how Karl Mueller's enthusiasm and perserverance balanced his own cynicism.

Another thing that touched me was the "Make Levees Not War" t-shirt he wore. During the time I've been in New Orleans, three rock stars without previous connections to the city have lived here. Trent Reznor lived in a big old house behind a big fence in the Garden District. It seemed like New Orleans was an Anne Rice vampire fantasy to him. Lenny Kravitz had a place in the French Quarter, and I think he might have owned the Wedding Cake house on St. Charles for awhile. New Orleans was a part-time gothic background to his glamourous life. But Pirner bought a regular house in the Bywater. I've seen him in bars, at second lines, at a Morning 40 show, on Frenchmen Street on Mardi Gras day, even at an ice cream shop. I think he even did some radio shows on WTUL. I've seen him twice since the storm. Sometimes I've wanted to introduce myself and talk to him about Mr. M, but I didn't want to seem like I was sucking up to him because he's a rock star. He was a regular guy here, a participant in the actual life of the city, and he clearly appreciated it for what it really was and not just what it looked like. And he didn't abandon the city after the storm.

The other thing that made me cry was knowing that these are Mr. M's peers, the same age, and they look like kids while he looks like an old man. Maybe that sounds shallow, but I don't mind Mr. M's white hair and the lines in his face. What kills me seeing him look like he was just liberated from the death camps, which is how he was in July. His donor is a mere 26 years old; I'd like to think the transplant will be an infusion of youthful vitality.

I hate that I'm not going to be there when he has the operation or while he recovers. In fact, I'm going to have to try not to think about it too much, which will be hard.

Classes start on Monday. I'm kind of looking forward to it, but I'm also nervous. This semester actually seems more make-or-break than the first year. I have to learn how to get at least one A; my grades have got to go up at least a little so I'm not teetering on the edge of losing my scholarship. And I've got to try to figure out what I'm doing next summer and what direction I want to go after I graduate. At the same time, I've got the journal and I've been informally nominated for some minor officer's position in the Environmental Law Society, which makes me nervous. I'm such an introverted non-joiner. Sometimes it seems like to succeed at law school or lawyering I would have to be a whole different kind of person, which I don't want to do. I think I do have to be willing to step outside my comfort zone, though. Anyway, how am I going to do better on my grades, work on the journal, and participate in a club, all while Mr. M is having and recovering from the transplant that we hope will give him his life back, how can I do it without having a nervous breakdown? Just by taking it as it comes, I suppose. And looking forward to December. I have this fantasy of spending Christmas in the Bahamas with Mr. M.

Tomorrow I have to go by school and see if I have any reading for my first classes. But I'm hoping to spend the day reading magazines and watching dumb movies on DVD.

I don't suppose I will be doing as much blogging in the coming months.

P.S. Hi Sharon!