Edd Seay

I had a dream that I remarried my ex-husband, but the marriage only lasted a few days. Phew. Then I realized I had actually gotten back together with him, or tried to, several times in the last few decades. To review, my ex was terminally ambivalent about whether he really wanted to be with me, and I was not particularly attracted to him, although we were good companions in some ways, and he expanded my world. He introduced me to Sonny Boy Williamson, Big Star and “Here My Dear.” He non-figuratively introduced me to Alex Chilton. Yeah, but it turns out having compatible good taste in art and culture does not in itself make for a good relationship. Yet, as the dream suggests, I have repeated this formula ad infinitum. Thanks, dreaming brain, for this teaching moment.  The thing is, though, that I thought I had realized this and learned my lesson and I still did it all over again with Captain Crabbypants.

My first date with the ex-husband was fairly mediocre, although I didn't have much to compare it to at the time.  Then he decided he didn't want to get involved with me, I think mostly because we worked together. I was devastated by this all out of proportion to what happened, and in reaction or resistance to his rejection I ended up convincing us both that we should be together, even though I was fundamentally just not attracted to him.  Hey, this sounds familiar.  Then we had an unhappy time for several years, then it was painful and scary to break up even though it had never been very good between us.  Yep, this is ringing a bell.